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Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.
If he sneezed, he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.
If he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.
He spent more time at home than he did at school.
On the days that he did go to school, he looked for excuses to come home early.
One morning he came home when the lessons were only half finished.
His father was surprised.
"You've come home early," he said. "Is the school closed today?"
"No, Dad, " Tommy said - "It's open. I came home early.
"How did you do that?" his father asked him. "What did you say to the teacher?"
"I told her that I had a new baby brother and that I had to come home and help you . "
"But your mother has had twins," his father said, "a boy and a girl. You've got a baby brother and a baby sister."
"Yes, I know, Dad, " Tommy said. "I'm saving up my baby sister for next week "
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
